Mr. Fezziwig's Ball, from "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens (1812-70) 1843
Nobody consciously chooses to be miserable, but most of us we are rather poor at being consistently cheerful. I know that having a happy spirit is associated with having God into your life, but how good are we fallen humans at turning our faces back towards misery, complaining and mediocrity? It somehow draws us in if we do not remain on guard.
Now, obviously I'm not talking about a time when it is natural and healthy to feel sad, such as following a bereavement or on receiving a severe disappointment, but during our everyday life with its little losses, changes and irritations how can we maintain a cheerful attitude?
Firstly I think our environment is important. It is often underrated as an influence on our mood and thoughts. No doubt you have experienced a feeling of depression or discord after watching a certain television programme, and equally you have found yourself lifted up and energised by watching something different. So we can consider the programmes we watch on TV, the films we view, the books we read, the magazines we flip through and the music we listen to. We can critically consider whether they contribute to our cheerful or depressed moods.
Next we might consider the people we mix with. You are probably aware that some people naturally raise your spirits and give you a zest for life and others make you feel overcome with negativity. Have as little to do with the latter and cultivate the former.
Be aware that you may need to watch a tendency, when you are feeling down for some reason, to indulge in negative influences such as those listed above. It's a strange phenomenon, but like is attracted to like and this is the worst thing you could do. Recognize it, resist it and do something that will raise your spirits instead.
Once we've ensured we're getting a lot of positive input and have limited the negative, we could maybe think about the way we speak. We need to stop complaining and voicing negative views aloud. If other people start we may need to change the trend of the conversation, or leave it altogether, rather than join in.
At the root of our unhappiness are our thoughts. Most of us do not properly appreciate that our emotions are almost entirely dependent on what we are thinking. There are some good books around about turning our thoughts from doom and gloom to positive faith, the classic being The Power of Positive Thinking. This is where self-control is particularly important, because it's very hard to stop a thought springing up in the first place. The important thing is to not be lead astray by it, so that you spend half-an-hour ruminating on something worrying or depressing, by which time you feel terrible. We need to say 'no' to such thoughts and replace them with something more positive. This could be anything from a Bible quotation to a picture in our head of doing something we enjoy such as reading a good book or taking a soothing bath, something that breaks the pattern. Then we need to move on and immerse ourselves in whatever we were doing. This takes a lot of practice because we are in the habit of letting our thoughts rule us, rather than vice versa.
Behind our thoughts are our beliefs about ourselves, life, the world and others. If you keep getting the same negative thought it could reflect an incorrect belief you have, for example that everyone is out to get you or that God will not look after you. You need to be very honest with yourself about what you really believe so that you can address the problem. In the book The Power of Positive Thinking the author talks of flooding your system with faith quotes from the Bible. Another good idea is to actively search for evidence for the positive belief. For example, let's say you are trying to replace the belief that marriage never works following a traumatic divorce. You could start keeping a list of happy couples, talk to them about what makes their relationship strong, cut out articles from newspapers and magazines about people who are happily celebrating their Golden Wedding Anniversary and so on. You are flooding your mind with proof that a long and happy marriage is possible for others, and therefore for yourself.
An attitude of mind that leads naturally to happiness is thankfulness or appreciation of what's good in your life. We take so much for granted, and often don't appreciate our blessings until we think we may lose them. I recently read an excellent post about this at Walk Slowly Live Wildly. (A word of warning though, it never makes me feel cheerful to start thinking of really unfortunate people in order to think I am better off than they are. I just feel depressed for them.) How can we be more thankful on a daily basis? One way is not to let our mind wander. For example, next time you are in the shower how about letting go of your busy thoughts and appreciating the feel of the warm water on your back and the scent of the soap.
The last way to be cheerful is to act as if. By that I mean find out how cheerful people behave and copy them. Yes, it sounds silly, but research has shown that physical cues (such as sitting upright instead of slumping and smiling instead of frowning) can actually effect a change on our emotional state. I was surprised to find this works both ways.
How do happy people behave? You will have noticed that the tone of their voice, the way they move or sit, the words they use, their facial expressions all reflect their happiness. They might sing, hum or whistle as they work, they are affectionate with spontaneous hugs or uplifting and encouraging words. They have fun ideas for new things to try, new games to play and they can't wait to pass on good news. They are delighted when people turn up, and rush to see them and give them a hug. They have the attitude that everything is wonderful, and every new thing a potential source of joy.
People with a cheerful attitude are often too busy thinking about making other people happy to worry themselves. We can learn much about how to be more cheerful ourselves by observing them and learning from their behaviour. An excellent example of such a person is Mr Fezziwig, to whom Ebenezer Scrooge's was apprenticed in A Christmas Carol. On Christmas Eve he insists that everyone stops work early whilst he, his family, the apprentices and the servants all indulge in a merry Christmas celebration.
A small matter,” said the Ghost (of Christmas Past), “to make those silly folks so full of gratitude. He has spent but a few pounds of your mortal money, — three or four perhaps. Is that so much that he deserves this praise?” “It isn’t that,” said Scrooge, heated by the remark, and speaking unconsciously like his former, not his latter self, — “it isn’t that, Spirit. He has the power to render us happy or unhappy; to make our service light or burdensome: a pleasure or a toil. Say that his power lies in words and looks; in things so slight and insignificant that it is impossible to add and count ‘em up: what then? The happiness he gives is quite as great as if it cost a fortune.”
