Girlhood in Nineteenth Century China

 

I have a particular love for books that show me how women lived in times and cultures that differ greatly from my own.  Snow Flower and the Secret Fan is such a book and I am enjoying learning just what it must have been like to have been a child and a young woman in China in the nineteenth century.

The story is told by Lady Lily Lu, the 80-year-old matriarch of Tongkou village, who, nearing the end of her life, sits down to write her final memoir; one that will be burned at her death. Using nu shu, a secret script designed and kept by women, Lily spends her final years recounting her training as a woman, her longing for love and the friendship of a lifetime.

I haven't finished reading the book yet so I am not writing a review as such, but I wanted to post what I have learned about girlhood at this time.  Of course there was a class system, as there is anywhere, and peasant girls would have a very different life to the upper and middle classes.  The society that Lily grew up in had rigid gender roles.

Whether you are rich or poor, emperor or slave, the domestic sphere is for women and the outside sphere is for men.  Women should not pass beyond the inner chambers in their thoughts or actions.  ...Two Confucian ideals ruled our lives.  The first was the Three Obediences: "When a girl, obey your father; when a wife, obey your husband; when a widow, obey your son."  The second was the Four Virtues, which delineate women's behaviour, speech, carriage, and occupation: "Be chaste and yielding, calm and upright in attitude; be quiet and agreeable in words; be restrained and exquisite in movement; be perfect in handiwork and embroidery."  If girls do not stray from these principles, they will grow into virtuous women.

Many girls had relative freedom (apart from house chores) until they reached about six years of age, when their feet would be bound (younger if from very prosperous households).  The process of foot-binding was hideous and the terrible pain lasted for many months, but it was essential if the girl was to make a good marriage.  One in ten girls died from foot binding and many others were left crippled.  Ideally, if binding was a success, the woman would have a gently swaying walk.  Bound feet were seen as a status symbol, like white skin (implying you could afford to stay out of the sun).  Even now there are some old women in China with bound feet.

Foot size would determine how marriageable I was.  My small feet would be offered as proof to my prospective in-laws of my personal discipline and my ability to endure the pain of childbirth, as well as whatever misfortunes might lie ahead.  My small feet would show the world my obedience to my natal family, particularly to my mother, which would also make a good impression on my future mother-in-law.  The shoes I embroidered would symbolize to my future in-laws my abilities at embroidery and thus to her house learning.

Of course, once a girl's feet were bound her freedom was cut short and she would spend her day helping inside the house (if the family could not afford sufficient servants) and being educated in home making and the womanly arts in the women's garthering room upstairs.  Depending on the prosperity of the family, the unmarried women of the family might all sleep in the women's gathering room.  She would not mix with any males outside her immediate family, which would be quite extended as younger brothers and their families often lived with older brothers.

The girl was able to have friendships with other girls her own age, but these girls were chosen for her not long after the foot binding, and the friendship would usually end once both girls were married.  Well born girls might be able to have one special friend (again, chosen for her) whom she would keep for life; and they would be bound together with as many rites and rituals as a married couple.  Girls always moved to their husbands' families, so that parents were able to enjoy the company of their sons a lot longer than their daughters. 

When she was about eleven she would be betrothed to a boy from another family, with the aid of a matchmaker.  It was not necessary for anyone from the two families to meet.  The girl's family would hope that she would marry into a respectable and prosperous family, but this would depend upon their own class, the beauty of their daughter and the size of her feet.  There would be a continual exchange of gifts on both sides, but it is unlikely that she would meet her intended until the day of the wedding.

In the years before the marriage the girl would be busy making her dowry (quilts, shoes, clothes, presents for her in-laws) as it was considered bad form not to arrive in your new home fully provided for, for many years.  Once she had turned fifteen her hair would be pinned up in the style of a phoenix as a symbol of the coming marriage.  She would marry when she was about seventeen.  Her new family would travel to her home and, after the ceremony, she would be escorted back to her new home.  After four days she would be brought back to her original home.

Following the marriage ceremony the daughter would live at home with her parents, enjoying conjugal visits to her husband's family a few times a year.  She would continue to live with her parents until the end of her first pregnancy.  At this time she would move in permanantly with her husband's family and any official ties to her origianal family would be cut.  However, during certain festivals of the year it was traditional for a wife to return home to visit her parents so, if desirable, contact could remain.  However, a wise new wife would make her mother-in-law into her closest friend as this matriarch would largely be responsible for the happiness, or otherwise, of her new daughter.

Originally posted in July 2007.  I also recommend Peony in Love by the same author, which you can read about in Buffy's Library.

Comments

[Anna S]

I love reading about traditional lifestyle in various countries but... this feet-binding thing is simply creepy. Why should women be crippled?!

[Mrs.E]

It always amazes me how cruel some traditions are. I also wonder, "who came up with this ideas and were they in their right mind at the time?" I know I have no right to judge because everyone is and lives differently, including times of long ago, but I am glad that I didn't live in those kinds of circumstances. All I can say is that women or people for that matter who indured then and still endure now such "traditions" must be very brave and honorable to their culture.