Raise Young People to have a Sense of Responsibility

This idea came out of my series on how to make abortion a thing of the past.

Why do I think making young (and for that matter, older) people have a greater sense of responsibility will help make abortion a thing of the past?  This is a complex subject, which is why there are so many posts, but there is no denying that in many cases the path to abortion is paved with irresponsibility.  Sex without commitment, sex just because you're drunk, sex without protection, and choosing the easiest 'get out' option when the unexpected happens all play their role.  Both men and women are running away from taking responsibility for the consequences of their actions.  Imagine if every time we had sex we had to sign a form to show that we understood the natural consequences of this act was to produce a baby and that we were prepared to take responsibility for that baby for the next 16-21 years.

Of course, there have always been irresponsible people around but in many ways it is easier to be irresponsible now than it was 100 years ago.  The consequences (especially, and unfairly, for women) were so much worse. 

In her excellent book "Talk to the Hand" Lynne Truss writes:

Shame is now such a quaint, bygone concept that one feels almost embarrassed bringing it up.  "Have you no shame?" is a question merrily kicked aside; indeed shamelessness is not only a highly regarded modern attribute, but the sine qua non of most successful TV and entertainment formats, which compete to push shamelessness to ever further limits...

Modern parents from all classes seem genuinely to believe they are doing the right thing by protecting their children from blame or accountability of any sort.  Every time the little chaps get themselves on a hook, the parents gently lift them down and tell them to run along and forget about it.

What is concerning is that so many young people are being raised to have so little sense of responsibility, other than the responsibility to enjoy themselves and have a good time.  Of course there are some noble exceptions, but in general today's main message to children seems to be 'put yourself first, never feel ashamed and grab what you want'.  When they err it is always someone else's fault.  Parents are so indulgent and discipline is usually ineffective and inconsistent.  The media tells youngsters that their main aims in life should be to a.) be like a celebrity b.)own all the latest designer gear and this is how our society now judges whether a young person is, or is not, a success.  No one is encouraged to take on responsibility for anything, let alone themselves, their mistakes or their behaviour.

Getting married or having children before, at earliest, your late twenties is seen as compromising your vision, letting yourself down, cutting your youth short.  Getting married, getting a mortgage and having children all involve taking responsibility, and no one under 30 should have to do that!

Ironically, and perhaps saddest of all, these modern, overly cosseted children are also more anxious, stressed and depressed than ever before.

If parents have not provided (loving) limits on their children's behaviour and have not taught them that misbehaviour has consequences, they will grow up to be irresponsible.  If they are irresponsible they will not think twice about the consequences of their actions, including unprotected and casual sex.  And they will deal with any consequences without any concept of responsibility to anyone else's life, including the one they have just created.

Comments

[Jennifer]

This is a HUGE task of parenting. It can send me soaring to see something as small as some child of mine remembering to take out the trash - unasked - and it can send me into a blind fury to have to tell them for the billionth time to PLEASE pick up their pj's off the bathroom floor. Responsibility is crucial to well-being as an adult, I believe, but what I see all around me is lots and lots of kids in adult bodies.

I particularly notice the men, for some reason... which makes me a little anxious about raising a son! ;)

I fear that the reason we are not raising responsible young people is because the parents are not willing to be responsible themselves. Raising children is a LONG, long process... and teaching responsibility is neither easy nor fast, making it difficult in these days of cultural ADD. :) It does get wearying and discouraging sometimes, but the alternative is frightening.

[Susan]

This series has been really good so far. It is important that we fully think through the consquences of our beliefs into practical everyday life and your series really helps to do/show that.

[marie]

I agree that kids are certainly required to take on less and less responsibility- but I don't see any evidence that it's raised abortion rates, or that raising more responsible kids will lower abortion rates. In fact, abortion rates and teen pregnancy rates have gone down in the last decade with the increase in accessibility of contraception and education, so it seems an increase in irresponsibility isn't a huge factor in the rate of abortions.

Is this really a new problem? Teen pregnancy and pregnancy before marriage has been around for all time, the only difference between our generation and our grandparents is that they were forced into marriage and into pretending they conceived after the wedding- regardless of whether or not they wanted to marry, or whether or not they could actually support a child, and if that wasn't possible, the women sought out abortion or were shipped off by their families for their confinement. The only difference today is that these things are visible and open and the women themselves have the option of choosing. The level of responsibility (at least when it comes to abstaining) has always been pretty low.

[Buffy]

Thank you for all your (if I may say so) intelligent and thoughtful remarks ladies. Both topics of abortion and teenage irresponsibility are certainly big debates.

I don't know to what an extent raising children to be more responsible would actually impact on the number of abortions we see but I do know that we have a big problem in the UK with teenagers having casual and unprotected sex, and pregnancy is only one of the possible consequences. You may find the article at http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/06/15/nhealth115.xml of interest, although it is not addressing the problem of abortion per se. To me a 15 year old having unprotected sex with someone (s)he hardly knows in total disregard of the consequences is highly irresponsible. Of course this issue is another complex one, as the article suggests. But if parents just abandon their children to popular culture I think we can see that the result is less than ideal. As Jennifer said, the parents need to take responsiblity.

Marie made the point that unexpected pregnancies and sex before marriage have always been with us and I know she is right. However, whilst I don't condone the way these issues were dealt with in the past I think we have gone too far the other way in positively pushing the modern sexualised lifestyle at so many young people.